Several of our readers have written in asking for more information about the Tootsie Rolls that fuel our creative process. These unfortunate fans live in countries that lack the wisdom to import this sublime luxury, and who must instead enjoy the dubious pleasures of treats like Vegemite or chocolate-covered grubs.
A full history of the Tootsie Roll can be found at:
http://www.tootsie.com/history.html
but, briefly, in 1896 Austrian immigrant Leo Hirshfield brought to the U.S. his recipe for a chocolaty, chewy candy, which he began producing in a small store in New York City. Hirshfield named the candy after his five-year-old daughter, whose nickname was "Tootsie." He might as well have named it "The Candy That Ken & Warren Eat All Day Until They Feel Sick", but I guess that wouldn't have fit on the label. Little did Mr. Hirshfield know that by creating his confection a whole generation of Happy Tree Friends writers (well, Warren and I, at least) would be plunged into obesity and addiction. Here's how it happened:
While ordering office supplies one day I noticed that the catalog had a sweets section. The quantities of candy sold through this catalog are sufficient to satisfy a medium-size office, or two Happy Tree Friends writers. I ordered a bag, and the next day 560 Tootsie Roll Midges were delivered to my desk. I split the bag in half, and Warren and I wondered how long it would take each of us to eat 280 Tootsie Rolls.
In the spirit of healthy competition, I fashioned a set of signs so Warren and I could track our progress by posting our empty wrappers. We were soon to discover that there was nothing "healthy" about this competition at all.
My sign Warren's sign
The alert reader will note that Warren's sign is empty of wrappers, leading to the (mistaken) conclusion that he has been remiss in his Tootsie Roll consumption. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Warren has in fact outstripped me in the competition, and has decided to display his wrappers in the form of balls, so he can avoid his writing duties while honing his juggling skills.
*Can't see the video? Get Flash 8 Player
The effects on our health from eating all of this sugar have been deleterious. I've seen Warren consume a handful of Tootsies first thing in the morning, and then state that he had no conscious awareness of doing so. I attribute the grotesque rolls of hairy cookie dough under my shirt to my Tootsie Roll consumption (along with the sedentary lifestyle that goes along with being a Happy Tree Friends writer). It's ironic that Tootsie Rolls aren't even my favorite candy. Given my choice, I'd eat Sunkist Fruit Gems until I vomited (Katherine, our Office Manager, has procured a tub of them, so I might try to wean myself off the Tootsies and on to the Gems; kind of like going from Heroin to Methadone).
I hope that this clarifies the whole Tootsie Roll situation to our confused readers. At this time it would be appropriate to note that Mondo Media and Happy Tree Friends does not in any way promote the abuse of the above-mentioned products, nor does Mondo Media have any connection to the companies that produce them. When consumed in reasonable quantities these products are not harmful; it is only those individuals with poor impulse control (such as Warren and myself) who should avoid them.
Looks like Warren is no better at juggling than me- and that's not good. (his launguage needs to be a bit more improved- he doesn't nearly swear enough for THAT frustration)
Another thing- we have a BiLo store up the road from our school- a 2 Litre of Vanilla Coke and a good 520g block of chocolate is good. All day- every day- I seem to be on your lane....
:\
Posted by: Samuel | April 19, 2006 01:27 AM
So THAT'S what you look like!
Keep up with the tootsie rolls and you really WILL be an 800 lb gorilla :P
ROCK ON!
CACO
Posted by: Cacomistle | April 19, 2006 04:02 AM
Samuel,
You guys have Tim Tams over there, right? I did the Tim Tam Slam with a big cuppa coffee and almost exploded. Good times!
Posted by: Ken Pontac | April 19, 2006 05:24 AM
My favorite fruit gem is orange. I find it strangely juicy.. and simultaneously fluffy... a weird but compelling combination. How do you do it Sunkist?
Posted by: Shopgirl | April 19, 2006 12:10 PM
Shopgirl -
And the orange ones are full of vitamin C, so the more you eat the healthier you get!
Posted by: Ken Pontac | April 19, 2006 12:20 PM
Yo, do you use that for inspiration, at the start of a new photoshop project I eat as may pure chocolade as I can and wenn I feel sick I make what I want to make, succes assured :D
Posted by: drake | April 19, 2006 01:49 PM
Ken- yes we do have Tim Tams herrrrre.
How ironic- I had a tim-tam flavoured cornetto today and yesterday! And I didn't even know they existed- great thing about the store- you can easily scab food off your friends!
Posted by: Samuel | April 20, 2006 03:28 AM
Drake -
We stare at out navels for inspiration, but the more candy we eat, the harder it is to find our navels!
Posted by: Ken Pontac | April 22, 2006 08:38 AM
Are you baggin' Vegemite?! Why don't any non-Aussies like it? I found Whoopi Goldberg's description insulting - "it's like licking a cat's ass".
Posted by: Joey JoJo Junior Shabadoo | April 22, 2006 07:54 PM
I, sadly, have never tasted the wonder that is a Tootsie Roll, being born in Australia. :'( Well, all that sugar intake will help you make some, erm, /intresting/ episodes! ^^;
~Muffin
Posted by: Muffin | April 23, 2006 02:43 AM
Muffin -
Here's a new contest for our Tootsie-less Aussie fans:
In 25 words or less, why should Ken send me an autographed copy of the Tootsie Roll blog along with a fist full of actual, delicious Tootsie Rolls?
And here's a hint for all of keyboard jockeys: spelling and punctuation count!
Posted by: Ken Pontac | April 23, 2006 08:00 AM
Joey JoJo Junior Shabadoo -
I don't know what a cat's ass tastes like. I have a dog.
And HIS ass tastes like Tootsie Rolls.
Posted by: Ken Pontac | April 23, 2006 08:05 AM
i dunno what a cat or dogs ass tastes like, but i like marmite more than vegimite!!! marmite rocks man, but i live in the UK so i havnt enjoyed tootsie rolls before :'( owel i think if you send Muffin some you should send me some too! teeheehee
xLalax
Posted by: *lala* | May 4, 2006 08:25 AM
*lala* -
Would really old frozen marmite be Cro-marmite?
Posted by: Ken Pontac | May 4, 2006 08:59 AM
Hey,
Great show guys, it somehow brightens , dull and rainy england. I hate the rain. And it hates me.
Erm, yeah...what are tootsie rolls made of?
Posted by: god. | May 13, 2006 02:10 PM
god -
If you're really god, why can't you make the rain stop?
Also, if you're all-knowing, you should already know what Tootsie Rolls are made of. I hope you have a wireless connection in heaven, so you can check out:
http://www.tootsie.com/nutrition.html
and see for yourself.
One thing's for sure... they ain't kosher! (see bottom of ingredients list).
Posted by: Ken Pontac | May 14, 2006 12:14 AM
Ken
Because rain clears the chavs from the streets.
I made man women animals and plants- not tootsie rolls.
Posted by: God | May 16, 2006 08:17 AM
god -
"Some day a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the street." - Travis Bickle
Posted by: Ken Pontac | May 16, 2006 10:10 AM
amen.
Posted by: god | May 17, 2006 11:40 AM
Well actually Ken, Jan tells me that a Tootsie roll is sex with Dustin Hoffman dressed as a woman, is that true?
Bob
Like your show
Whats up with Dave and Edie, where are they?
Posted by: Robert Goldberg | August 7, 2006 10:21 PM
Bob -
What a nice surprise to hear from you!
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Jan will be working the Ha Ha Room every Wednesday and Friday night 'til the end of the month. Don't forget to tip your waitress.
David and Edie can be hunted down at www.bunrab.com
Drop 'em a line. They'd love to hear from you (and their restaurant reviews aren't bad, either).
I bet you like the HTF episodes about eye torture, or is that a busman's holiday for you?
Posted by: Ken Pontac | August 9, 2006 06:43 PM